When I first started riding all my friends would ask me “are you clipped in?”. Strangers would ask me too. I rode my bike for nine and a half months unclipped in my tennis shoes because I was too afraid to be clipped in. Even though I bought riding shoes with clips seven months ago.
I had gone to spin classes with my clips. No problem.
I had tried to have my husband hold the bike while I tried them out, I ended up falling over (and blaming him). I just couldn’t get over my fear of falling to commit to the clips.
Meanwhile, I kept telling everyone (friends, family, strangers) that I am going to ride the Triple Bypass this summer. I felt totally uncommitted to that too. Like, if I don’t feel 100% prepared, maybe something would happen so I could still back out.
A couple of weeks ago, I went online to sign up for the ride. This is no cheap endeavor. But I found it to be sold out! I called the organization and cried on the phone like a 12 year-old and explained to the gentleman on the other end of the line, how I just HAD to be in the triple ride because I had been planning and training and waiting until I felt ready to sign up and now I couldn’t complete my goal and would look like a liar to all my friends and family.
This poor man! He must’ve thought he was dealing with a little girl. And maybe at that moment I was. All I could think was that my hopes and dreams had been dashed!
No worries! He assured me I could still sign up for the double and maybe there might be a chance a spot would open up for the triple. I signed up for the double with a heavy heart, thinking “am I really NOT going to achieve my goal because of an entry registration and fee?” I have been training for the triple! I have my heart set on the triple! I am determined to ride the TRIPLE!
For the next few days, I tried on the idea of just doing the double. What would I do if I got the opportunity to upgrade? Would I do it? Would doing the double be enough? I mean, come on, it’s not like the double isn’t an accomplishment! This ride is not for wimps. The double (of the Triple) is 75 miles of uphill climb in the Rocky Mountains. No small feat! The Triple Bypass is 120 miles of uphill climb in the Rocky Mountains from Evergreen to Avon. But I have my heart set on the Triple. I started thinking that even if a spot did not open up, if I felt like riding further, who could stop me? Right? I could just keep going. Maybe it wouldn’t count for some official record, but it would count for me and it would count in G-d’s eyes.
So what is my actual goal? Who am I doing this for?
I decided I was doing this for me. Not to impress anyone or get any accolades, but for me. When I saw the email a few days later in my inbox, I was relieved that a spot opened up and I followed the directions to upgrade right away. But my resolve was not done being tested. There was a glitch with the computer system which resulted in another call to said gentleman to help me again. Embarrassing right? But you know what? I wasn’t bothered in the least! I don’t care what this man that I’ve never met thinks of me. I just want to get up that hill!!!
Yesterday for the first time ever, I clipped in.
I did a few rounds in my cul-de-sac and fell right in front of my neighbor who rushed over to pull the bike off of me. He was so nice! He asked me if I was okay and then if he should walk my bike back to my house. I looked at him and answered, “thank you for your help, I’m getting back on”!
I felt like a baby giraffe just learning how to walk. I’m sure I looked equally awkward. I ended up going for a ride with a friend (and riding buddy) and did great, but still managed to have a pretty good wipe out with scars on my leg and a sore wrist to prove it. But my commitment is unwavering.
Do you feel like that too?
Do you do things with only half a heart in it?
How committed are you to the big things in your life?
Are you secretly waiting for something to happen so you can, gracefully, back out?
How long are you willing to stay the course for something you really want in your life?
When I laid my head down last night, I was proud of myself for not letting fear stand in my way, but I felt anxious replaying my fall in my head. This ride is only 10% physical, and I WILL (for emphasis, not yelling) be ready. The other 90% is mental. And that is a work in progress…